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Son asked his mother the following question:

“Mom, why are wedding dresses white?”

The mother looks at her son and replies,

“Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure.”

The son thanks his Mom and goes off to double-check this with his father.

“Dad why are wedding dresses white?”

The father looks at his son in surprise and says,

“Son, all household appliances come in white.”

OPEN TO MEN ONLY
Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants The course covers two days, and topics covered in this course include:

DAY ONE!

• HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS - Step by step guide with slide presentation
• TOILET ROLLS — DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS? - Roundtable discussion
• DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR - Practicing with hamper (Pictures and graphics)
• DISHES & SILVERWARE; DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES? - Debate among a panel of experts.
• REMOTE CONTROL - Losing the remote control - Help line and support groups
• LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS - Starting with looking in the right place instead of turning the house upside down while screaming - Open forum

DAY TWO Continue Reading…

This was apparently in the Washington Post - the title of which was, “Best Come Back Line Ever.”

In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, 22 year old white male resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch 11:38 p.m. on Friday.

Lawrence will be charged with lewd and lascivious behaviour, public indecency,and public intoxication at the Gwinnett County courthouse on Monday.

The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch he decided to stop. “You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around for miles. At least I thought there wasn’t,” he stated in a phone interview. Continue Reading…

A man was driving down the road and ran out of gas. Just at that moment, a bee flew in his window.The bee said, ‘What seems to be the problem?’

‘I’m out of gas,’ the man replied.

The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his gas tank. After a few minutes, the bees flew out.

‘Try it now,’ said one bee.

The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up. ‘Wow!’ the man exclaimed, ‘What did you put in my gas tank’?

The bee answered, Continue Reading…

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, ‘Please wake me at 5:00 AM .’ He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was
about to go and see why his wife hadn’t wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, ‘It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.‘

Morel - Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt?

We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, ‘You don’t know Jack Schitt!’ Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Knee-deep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt. Continue Reading…

This is a genuine mistake made in Ireland

This was actually sold in the supermarkets - until they twigged!!

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, “When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah”.
The teacher asked, “What if Jonah went to hell?”
The little girl replied, “Then you ask him”. Continue Reading…